It's mid October, which means we are well into spooky season. Along with these fall times comes a shift, whether it is the beginning of school, work, or simply the shift in temperatures as winter makes its home (for us Northern folk). Fall has always carried mixed feelings for me. Some have mistaken my name for Autumn, only adding to my troubles. Don't get me wrong, fall is my favorite season. Perhaps I simply gravitate towards things that carry complex feelings. The leaves and colors are beautiful, and I welcome the chilly temperatures with open arms after the oppressive heat of summer. However, my emotions become much more intense during this time as well. I remember fall years into the past. Every grade I've started. I've costume I've worn for halloween. All the friends that have come and gone. It weighs on me. Despite the melancholy, I see this period as necessary. I bundle up in the jacket that I have taken out of the closet for the first time in eight months, and make note of the tissue left inside the left pocket. I've changed so much since then, learned so much. But I am still very much myself, and still very much real and alive. This reminder is needed. This reminder is loved. The past grips my heart and sheds many tears, but the present blankets me in warmth. I have nothing to fear. Not now. Not anymore.
Where have I been? A good question to ask. I could go back and forth on this one for hours, typing and deleting. Getting every detail down, before disposing of it and stating that no explanation is needed. Debating if I should justify a lapse in time... or debating if anyone cares. Finding a middle ground between oversharing and completely disappearing off the internet has been a difficult process for the entirety of my existance on this digital plane. I still haven't managed to sort it out, but for the moment, I am okay with that. So really, where have I been? To put it simply, I have been living. This summer I moved away from home. I'm independent now. Sort of. I expected it to be much harder, but in actuality, I function better now than I ever did before. I hadn't realized quite how much change I endured leading up to this point, and I believe that conditioned me so thoroughly for the experience, that all I felt was a mere pinch when the time came. Things are good. Some things are bad, but challenges are what make life worth living. Nothing has been utterly and completely overwhelming. Nothing has been unsolvable. Which I guess you could say is my thing. Solving, that is. I guess I am simply a handy-man at heart. Perhaps that is why I am butch. Speaking of, I have found the perfect acronym to describe myself. D.O.G. Dependable. Optimistic. Genuine. That's me. Isn't that fun?
So well... what have I been into lately? That's an easy one. This question will definitely date this page knowing how fast I cycle through my interests, but that's alright. I've been playing Splatoon. A lot. As in, I started at 50 hours in September and now I'm at 110, a lot. In which case, perhaps it could be called Octo-tober (Haha). I think it would be fun to play competitively, and I'm considering it. I'm being coached by my friend, and he's really good at it, so who knows. That being said, if I do have a competitive career, I intend to keep it separate from this page. My website is pretty personal to me, and I don't want to start censoring myself out of fear for my reputation or whatever. Another thing my friend has gotten me into is Bungo Stray Dogs. And I mean that big time. The show makes me really happy and the characters are super fun. If you wanna chat about it in my comments or dms, be my guest. Finally, (and- major tone shift I suppose) I've been revisiting BDSM. I discovered BDSM originally at 16, and it was super cool to me at the time, because I never considered sex outside of what is traditionally expected. Being asexual, this was a great discovery for me. Initially, I become obsessed with the idea. Over time however, the novelty wore off. I still participated in things that would be considered BSDM, but I didn't think about it too much. Obviously, there's only so much you can engage in with that sort of thing when you're a minor. But now... I'm an adult, and I live with other adults. In short, I've found other freaks (mostly older) and I'm learning things. Now there is a tangible community that I can actively engage in, and learn about. All-in-all, bein a dyke is fuckin sweet. If you want to learn things about leatherdykes and lesbian S/M, this book and this documentary have helped me a lot. Everyone say "thank you Internet Archive!" And, well, that's all I have to say. Thank you netizens for reading. Have a happy (or somewhat happy) fall season, okay? Goodbye for now.